The things you don’t say to your wife!
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A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a Priest. The man's tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'say Father, what causes Arthritis?' The priest wanting to teach this man a little lesson replies, 'my son , it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol,contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes & lack of a bath'. The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned,' then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.' -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Irish Poker Club
THE POKER GAME Six retired men were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up... At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut the cards.. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me." Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers, and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home." "Go tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife. "I'll tell him." says Goldberg.
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