A Nuns story
10/Nov/11 13:34 Filed in: humor
A Nun's Story
A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE VICTORIA AIRPORT , WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CALGARY .
SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'
SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN ; OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY .'
THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE . THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN, SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ :
'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE ..'
THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.
WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC. SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE,THINKING,
'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.'
NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG, AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CALGARY '..
A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE VICTORIA AIRPORT , WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CALGARY .
SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'
SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN ; OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY .'
THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE . THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN, SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ :
'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE ..'
THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.
WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC. SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE,THINKING,
'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.'
NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG, AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CALGARY '..
Move on up!
19/Oct/11 03:31 Filed in: humor
Reconnecting
10/Oct/11 21:48 Filed in: personal | Reflection
My life has been so full of so many disconnects:
Born at Franklin Hospital in Franklin New Jersey (It is no longer a hospital, now it is a nursing home of sorts, suppose I can leave the same way I came in)
Moved to Illinois once I was two years old or so
Lived in at least a dozen places in Illinois and New Jersey by the time I was 18
Lived with 6 stepbrothers and 2 stepsisters for a couple years
Lived with two different grandmothers, one grandfather
Lived in residential hotels, the back of an Italian restaurant in Joliet, IL a private hunting club called the Pheasant Club somewhere in Illinois
Had four different stepfathers
Saw one of our houses burnt down
Spent part of one summer with some Hell’s Angels (relatives- maybe another story another time!), and so on.
ound faith in a wonderful church that was shut down over finance issues a year or two later – Northwest Christian Center in Wichita Falls Texas near Sheppherd Air Force Base.
Four years in the Air Force, moving, etc.
And I could go on.
It seems that I spend a good part of my life either trying to reconnect dots, or just figure some of them out. For about 4 or 5 of my growing up years (2 years old to about 4 or 5 and again at 11 for a little over a year) I lived in a small little home in Romeoville, IL (just outside of Joliet). 508 Everett Ave.
About a year ago, I was very close to my old house. It was one of a dozen times I had the urge to go see the house, find out if it was still there. It was only the 2nd or 3rd time I gave in to the urge. I parked very close to the house, and I walked as if I were going to school, just a little over a block away on 616 Dalhart Avenue., . I think the school used to be called Parkview Elementary; it is now called Robert C Hill Elementary school.
My first reconnect was waiting at the afternoon crosswalk. There was an older later, who was in her last week of being a crosswalk school guard. We did the math, she had been a crosswalk guard when I was in Kindergarten and first grade, forty five years early.
My second was a little bolder. I went to the house where I had lived. I took a few photos, but my appetite was not quenched. I took the bold step of knocking on the front door. A Hispanic gentleman answered the door. I did my best to explain that I used to live there, not sure of his English skills. His daughter came and we chatted. I so badly wanted to go in the house, but he did not offer nor did I ask. He let me in the backyard; I explained to him and his daughter how the yard used to look, where we used to have a garden, barbecue pit, etc.
I thanked him then I started to walk away. Nope, not yet. It was time for my third and final reconnect. I leaned against the car staring at the tree. There stood the same tree that Donny and Douggie Woods (I am sure they are Don and Doug now, I used to be Bobby and would want them calling me anything but Bob) used to climb. They could climb it, but I couldn’t. Even the little girl next door could probably climb it but I couldn’t. The fact that I was dressed to attend a conference on Bio Ethics at nearby Trinity International University did not stop me. Yep, I put the camera down, the keys on the ground, and though I did not look toward the windows of 508 Everrett Avenue, I am sure an entire Hispanic family watched as this crazy 48 year old white guy climbed their tree.
I got up far enough to claim my reconnect victory (not very far!) and jumped in the car and drove off before I would need to meet a member of the Village of Romeoville’s finest, a job my father had 45 years earlier...
Born at Franklin Hospital in Franklin New Jersey (It is no longer a hospital, now it is a nursing home of sorts, suppose I can leave the same way I came in)
Moved to Illinois once I was two years old or so
Lived in at least a dozen places in Illinois and New Jersey by the time I was 18
Lived with 6 stepbrothers and 2 stepsisters for a couple years
Lived with two different grandmothers, one grandfather
Lived in residential hotels, the back of an Italian restaurant in Joliet, IL a private hunting club called the Pheasant Club somewhere in Illinois
Had four different stepfathers
Saw one of our houses burnt down
Spent part of one summer with some Hell’s Angels (relatives- maybe another story another time!), and so on.
ound faith in a wonderful church that was shut down over finance issues a year or two later – Northwest Christian Center in Wichita Falls Texas near Sheppherd Air Force Base.
Four years in the Air Force, moving, etc.
And I could go on.
It seems that I spend a good part of my life either trying to reconnect dots, or just figure some of them out. For about 4 or 5 of my growing up years (2 years old to about 4 or 5 and again at 11 for a little over a year) I lived in a small little home in Romeoville, IL (just outside of Joliet). 508 Everett Ave.
About a year ago, I was very close to my old house. It was one of a dozen times I had the urge to go see the house, find out if it was still there. It was only the 2nd or 3rd time I gave in to the urge. I parked very close to the house, and I walked as if I were going to school, just a little over a block away on 616 Dalhart Avenue., . I think the school used to be called Parkview Elementary; it is now called Robert C Hill Elementary school.
My first reconnect was waiting at the afternoon crosswalk. There was an older later, who was in her last week of being a crosswalk school guard. We did the math, she had been a crosswalk guard when I was in Kindergarten and first grade, forty five years early.
My second was a little bolder. I went to the house where I had lived. I took a few photos, but my appetite was not quenched. I took the bold step of knocking on the front door. A Hispanic gentleman answered the door. I did my best to explain that I used to live there, not sure of his English skills. His daughter came and we chatted. I so badly wanted to go in the house, but he did not offer nor did I ask. He let me in the backyard; I explained to him and his daughter how the yard used to look, where we used to have a garden, barbecue pit, etc.
I thanked him then I started to walk away. Nope, not yet. It was time for my third and final reconnect. I leaned against the car staring at the tree. There stood the same tree that Donny and Douggie Woods (I am sure they are Don and Doug now, I used to be Bobby and would want them calling me anything but Bob) used to climb. They could climb it, but I couldn’t. Even the little girl next door could probably climb it but I couldn’t. The fact that I was dressed to attend a conference on Bio Ethics at nearby Trinity International University did not stop me. Yep, I put the camera down, the keys on the ground, and though I did not look toward the windows of 508 Everrett Avenue, I am sure an entire Hispanic family watched as this crazy 48 year old white guy climbed their tree.
I got up far enough to claim my reconnect victory (not very far!) and jumped in the car and drove off before I would need to meet a member of the Village of Romeoville’s finest, a job my father had 45 years earlier...
Dancers who dance upon injustice
03/Oct/11 17:45 Filed in: personal | Reflection
I sent a face book message last week, that I liked:
I’d like to think of myself as a dancer who dances upon injustice!
There is a song called Did you feel the mountains tremble; here are the lyrics:
Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of
Jesus Christ the Risen One
Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of
Jesus Christ the Saving One
And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
When young and old return to Jesus
You fling wide you Heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the Risen Lord
Oh the Risen Lord
Open up the doors Lord
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
Dance before the Lord
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
(Yeah yeah Lord)
Did you feel the darkness tremble?
When all the Saints joined in one song
And all the streams flowed as one river
To wash away our brokenness
Did you feel the darkness tremble?
When all the Saints joined in one song
And all the streams flowed as one river
To wash away our brokenness
Oh of brokenness
Open up the doors
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
Oh upon injustice
Oh Lord, upon injustice, Lord
Lord Jesus, we dance upon injustice, we dance upon the pride
We dance upon the feel, we dance upon insecurity
We dance upon injustice
Yeah oh Lord, upon injustice, Lord
Injustice Lord, is here no more, is here no more
Injustice Lord, is here no more in Jesus name
Injustice Lord, injustice Lord, is here no more, is here no more
Injustice Lord, is here no more in the name of Jesus
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
I’d like to think of myself as a dancer who dances upon injustice!
There is a song called Did you feel the mountains tremble; here are the lyrics:
Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of
Jesus Christ the Risen One
Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of
Jesus Christ the Saving One
And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
When young and old return to Jesus
You fling wide you Heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the Risen Lord
Oh the Risen Lord
Open up the doors Lord
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
Dance before the Lord
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
(Yeah yeah Lord)
Did you feel the darkness tremble?
When all the Saints joined in one song
And all the streams flowed as one river
To wash away our brokenness
Did you feel the darkness tremble?
When all the Saints joined in one song
And all the streams flowed as one river
To wash away our brokenness
Oh of brokenness
Open up the doors
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
Oh upon injustice
Oh Lord, upon injustice, Lord
Lord Jesus, we dance upon injustice, we dance upon the pride
We dance upon the feel, we dance upon insecurity
We dance upon injustice
Yeah oh Lord, upon injustice, Lord
Injustice Lord, is here no more, is here no more
Injustice Lord, is here no more in Jesus name
Injustice Lord, injustice Lord, is here no more, is here no more
Injustice Lord, is here no more in the name of Jesus
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
With songs that bring your hope
And the songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice